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Dear fellow electorate,
With the upcoming Presidential election looming upon us like a late payment deadline, I thought I'd share a detailed analysis of our choices, set in an historical context, devoid of partisan dogma and the vocabulary of war in which the major news outlets like to frame the event. Then I came to my senses and realized I could sum it all up in two words: we're screwed. Nonetheless, here are our choices as I see them: First, is an Illinois Democrat ever the answer to anything? Barack Obama is a brilliant orator, and I want to like him. I just don't believe him. He's waffled on every stand he's taken, his voting record is by and large along party lines, and though he's inspired millions of people, nobody's really asking what they've been inspired to do. Sure, yes, we all want change, but change to what? The state and condition of Illinois? I wouldn't move back to that wreck if you paid me. We could elect the Senator from Arizona then. I like Arizona. I live here. I like the gun laws and the dearth of snow shovels. What I don't like is John McCain. I've never voted for him, he's contradicted himself many times when I've written to him, and though his stance on protecting our 2nd Ammendment rights is laudable, he isn't saying anything about it during the campaign. Perhaps that's because some of us believe that the right to carry exists to protect the very things he wants to dismantle, Roe v. Wade among them. I'm sorry guys, I just can't. The Libertarians are running with Bob Barr. Really. The guy they campaigned to get rid of, the guy who was going "win the War on Drugs by 2002", who broght us the Defense of Marriage act and proposed that the Pentagon ban the practice of Wicca in the US Military; This guy wants us to believe that he's had some kind of miraculous epiphany and, coincidentally concurrent with his losing re-election to a Democrat, decided he's a Libertarian. Sorry about that Drug War, folks. Can I still have your vote? Seriously? Ralph Nader? Please. Which leaves us with the Green Party. Don't worry, I wish they'd leave too. They can take the Constitution Party with them. That's it, folks. About a year ago I predicted that this race would come down to losing one of two things: Roe v. Wade or the 2nd Ammendment. What a lousy choice.